between violences (a late-night turnipfingers speculative)

from DEICIDE by the garages

track by zack.ry (@zackleston, zackry.bandcamp.com)

violence never seemed to mean the
dirty word people claimed it to be
until i saw her take the mound
her smile spreading fear around

with bat in hand i took my stance
refusing any backward glance
i stared her down in pure defiance
inviting the incoming violence

and she struck me
now i’m switching in and out of my
daydreams
all the nightmares that i’ve tried to keep in-
side me
are pushing their way outside
and the voices
of the ones she’s taken happily ring
joyless
in my head as i miss my swing guess my
choice is
somewhere between my violent past and
my new team

the dugout calls me over so i
turn away from hell closing my eyes
the demons there aren’t half as bad
as the idol they brought back

but i feel assurance behind me
a whisper of of violence, supportive and guiding
and from up close that smile of fear
away from the fans gives way to tears

and she struck me
now i’m switching in and out of my
daydreams
all the nightmares that i’ve tried to keep in
side me
are pushing their way outside
and the faces
of the ones she took unwittingly come
racing
in my head as i see her crumble guess my
choice is
somewhere between my violent past and
my new team

she always steps out on the field
and shows the whole world that she feels
okay
when she’s not okay
her team’s the only ones who get to see
she’s breaking apart from all the pain she brings was
this worth it
is she worth it

now she’s struck me
and she’s switching in and out of my
daydreams
all the nightmares that i’ve fought to keep in-
side me
are melting when i look into her eyes
and the fire
of the ones she’s lost so brutally burns
brighter
in my heart as i see her fight guess my
choice is
somewhere between my violent past and
my new team

and she’s struck me
now she’s switching in and out of her
home team
and she’s staring down the god who’s cost her
everything
and refusing to back down
and the echoes of the ones that we’ve all lost begin to
ring low
through the mic as she disappears guess my
choice is
somewhere between my violent past and
the null team