on fatherhood

from ROSTER by the garages

on fatherhood (Lenny Marijuana) by seb (bigredsun.bandcamp.com)

smiley boy
catching balls out in the outfield
like a toy
holding a bat too big for you to wield
hit your first home run that day in the park

tiny boy
hand in the air begloved and ready to catch
you look of joy
as the ball lands in your mitt and ends the match
we played blaseball for the first time in that park

and i'll admit
you didn't see too much of me as you grew up
i asked for it
watched your games and hoped that you would not burn up

you saw it coming, oh, i think you saw it coming that day
with your precognition
you saw it coming, oh, i think you saw it coming that day
with your unstable condition
i didn't see it coming

a father should never outlive his sons
a father should never outlive his sons
you shone brighter than i ever would
you burned brighter than i ever could
you burned brighter than a thousand suns

we were a family and then it was just you
i hope before you died you knew how much i missed you
how much i still miss you
we were a family and now it's just me
i saw you fighting gods, i can't help but worry
that's what i'm here to do

i'll never get to tell you that i love you
and i'm so so proud of you