park it
from the garages 101 by the garages
by ethan geller (revolveroscelot.bandcamp.com)
from the garages kill the gods
Theodore Duende's the perfect captain Solid fundamentals and a great friend We need more sluggers like him and Allison Abbott We need less people like Mike Townsend We’ve got Luis Acevedo The best vocaloid in the league But I’ll get to that later We’ve got Gwiff now and Gwiff never whiffs I think he’s at least half owl; it’s unclear But we’ve got Luis Acevedo The only vocaloid who can also thwack When they’re at bat they bellow This next runs for Hotdogfingers A victim of eldritch circumstance If she lived to see our new pitcher This next ground outs for Mike Townsend We’re going to win in spite of you If we don’t win that’s totally ok, cuz you know we’re gonna pa pa pa pa Park it Park it Park it Park it Theodore Duende's got the formula That’s why they call blaseball the sweet science He just walks up to the plate and says “Soundgarden is pretty good, But they’re far from the best band out of Seattle” “Have you heard of this band Weep Wave? I’ll make you a mixtape after this” Then he hits a grand slam This next runs for Hotdogfingers A victim of eldritch circumstance If she lived to see our new pitcher This next ground outs for Mike Townsend We’re going to win in spite of you Out of the way, it’s Duendesday season I know we’re anticapitalist But Tiana Cash didn’t have to die She was literally made of money Though I’m sure it informed her politics so for her we will just pa pa pa pa Park it Park it Park it  Hi is this thing on? My name is Mike Townsend, and I’m the current pitcher for the Seattle Garages The previous pitcher, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, was incinerated She was the first one killed after the forbidden book was opened, And I remember just sitting there with Tiana when it happened, and at first I couldn’t figure out exactly what had occurred but after I realized she was gone for good I was like “huh! That’s Blaseball for ya you know?" Like I forgot who said it but someone said Blaseball is a game of inches, and if she was standing just three inches to the right of the mound I’m sure she would’ve been fine. Anyways shortly after that Duende said “I can’t believe you’re our pitcher now” and I said “what? I’m the new pitcher?” And he said “yeah I really can’t believe it” to which I said “oh jeez thanks how cool is this!” But as you probably know, I’m not really as good as Hotdogfingers was, you know? I think the hotdogs let her throw the ball to more than one place without missing the strike zone, and she was even able to pitch it at different speeds! You know, I don’t have hotdogs for fingers, so I can’t do that. Anyways, so Im the pitcher now regardless, and I didn’t realize how much pressure it would be you know? Like every time I throw a walk off the fans are like “TOWNSEND!” And sometimes when someone hits a home run the fans will yell “TOWNSEND!!”, and sometimes when I pitch a bad game the fans will write a song called something like “Mike Townsend Is A Dissapointment” and it will become the new anthem of our team and it’ll play non stop on KGAR... You know how it is with Blaseball fans! Anyways I know I’m lucky to be the pitcher for such a great team, and I love my teammates but... I wish I was really good, you know? Like hotdogfingers good. Like, I could pitch a no no against the Hellmouth Sunbeams good. But, I’m not, you know? I’m not Jaylen Hotdogfingers, I’m not the best Blaseball pitcher in the league, I’m just kinda a goofball that the team likes to turn into a running gag. But we’ve won some games you know? And it’s not like we won those games WITHOUT me. And, you know, I’m not incinerated. At least, I’m not incinerated yet. I just want to be this big, bright, shiny star, and whenever I step out on the field I don’t want them to say “TOWNSEND!” Or “TOWNSEND!” I want them to say “TOWNSEND!” You know? Like “TOWNSEND!”. Ah... it’s so hard man. Anyways sorry to ramble, can I start over? OK. Hi my name is Mike Townsend, and I’m the pitcher for the Seattle Garages.