Ohio Worms - The Legend of Lenny Crumb: A Tall Tlale
from World Tour: Part 1 by assorted artists
written, performed and produced by VVL bass, backup vocals, and radio voice by Queue D.G.
Come listen to the tale of some-worm smaller than my thumb A legend I'll regale about our hero, Lenny Crumb Oh Lenny was a baker from way down in the loam With just an oven and some dirt, he was happy in his home 'Til one day he breached the surface, and gazed up at the sky, oh And thought "my oh my," it's time to move to Ohio With a trusty cupcake on his back, Lenny rolled up his lack of sleeves And fashioned him a plane out of nearby twigs and leaves And though his flight designs were not even out of beta He crash landed in a field outside of Wapakoneta Lenny looked around and saw the greatest sight he'd ever seen Bats a-swinging, birds a-swarming around the Wapak Blaseball team He looked just in time to see something blocking out the sun Quickly caught his first flyout and stopped a game-winning home run (…game-winning home run!) With Wapak's new star hitter, they started building steam Crumb just couldn't quit, a true credit to the team With each home-run he hit, Lenny's fame would grow Though he stayed humble, all his flans shout "Look at that worm go!" (Look at that snail go! What?) One morning in the dugout, came an unexpected guest "Hey Lenny, have some time? The name's Hidalgo Internet. I'm starting a new league. I like your wriggle and your squirm." And that's how Lenny Crumb became the first Ohio Worm! (…how Lenny Crumb became the first Ohio Worm. Back to you…) For nine seasons of the ILB the Worms racked up the scores But Crumb, deep down, he feared the founder wanted something more After three champion titles Lenny couldn't take the tension So those Ohio Worms began planning an ascension Sure enough the time was coming: the twelfth season's final day Internet revealed they had a fearsome debt to pay With each passing win their patron's eldritch hunger grew They said "Lenny, come and join the feast we'll start by eating you" (today's forecast calls for dark omnipotent forces feeding off the spirit of Bla-OH GOD NO) To avoid being Hidalgo's twisted sacrificial lamb Lenny called a huddle, and they hatched their daring plan They gathered up their peers and equals, the Georgias and the Mechs, And left a warning and a blessing in a Forbidden sacred text Any three time champs should know no fear if Blaseball should return For they'd ascend, and so escape a fate fit for no-worm And if things were worse than Lenny feared, and didn't go as planned The Big Leagues would come back to Earth and flood the whole darn land And that's exactly what they did. After they had met the Crabs, They knew the League would not be safe in the Boss's cold dark hands And though the gravity's different, they need time to readjust That Coin don't know what's coming, 'cause the Worms do what they must Yeah the Worms do what they must Dirt to dirt, loam to loam, and dust to dust (All writhe!)